By Lauren Teegarden
Perhaps your
grandchildren live next door and they pop in every morning to give you a hug.
Perhaps your grandchildren live across the country, three thousand miles
away--and you see them no more than once a year. Or maybe you have never had
the opportunity to see your grandchild's precious smile. Regardless, decide
today to take a step toward deepening your relationship.
1. They'll only be young
once, and for that matter, so will you.
While the eighteen years
from birth to adulthood can seem long at times, they'll be gone before you know
it. After your grandchildren leave home, it will be much more difficult to
cultivate a close relationship, since there will be many more distractions--further
education, a career, perhaps a serious romantic relationship. By taking the
initiative to have a close relationship while your grandchildren are still at
home, you will have the momentum to continue the relationship into your
grandchild's adult years. Don't miss out on anything--both while you are able
to experience it and while your grandchild is able to share important things
with you.
2. The future is
unpredictable: take a step today.
In two, five, or ten
years, who knows how easy it will be to communicate with your grandchildren?
Today's distractions won't go away, but the chance to improve your relationship
with your grandchild might. Take the initiative today, even if your step is a small
one. Send your grandchild an email. Bake them cookies and including a
"just thinking of you" note. Plan an event to go to together. The
first step doesn't have to be earth-shattering, just thoughtful.
3. Become part of the
routine.
You'll have a lasting
impact on your grandchildren by consistently playing a role in their lives. If
you are available from the time your grandchildren are young, then continuing
the relationship through the often-difficult teenage years will be easier.
Offer to babysit your grandchildren--not only will it give the parents a
much-needed break, but it will provide blocks of time to interact with your
grandchildren. Communicate with your grandchildren consistently: a sense of
security will develop if your grandchildren can expect a phone call, letter,
email, or visit regularly.
4. You do have an
influence.
Every grandparent
realizes that their grandchildren are their "living legacy." And it's
natural to want to pass along values, morals, and family history. The best way
to influence your grandchild is not to deliver a long-winded lecture the first
time he or she does something you disapprove of; rather, by having a continuous
relationship, you will develop a level of trust where they will listen to your
views. Set a good example over a number of years, and it's likely that your
grandchildren will make the right decisions when the time comes.
5. Don't be afraid to
initiate.
Yes, that's right--your
grandchildren actually want you to take an active role in their lives! It takes
two to form a relationship, but as the mentor, you may find yourself doing more
of the initiating. That's okay: your grandchildren appreciate your
communication and presence. Don't be afraid to express your desire for a deeper
relationship--if your grandchildren don't know that you want to spend more time
together, then it will never happen.
Lauren Teegarden is a
student at the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill. With grandparents of
her own, Lauren recognized the value of strong grandparent-grandchild
interactions and started "The Grandparent Connection," a free monthly
email newsletter with articles, advice, and activities for grandparents. Visit
her website,www.thegrandparentconnection.org, to sign up for
the newsletter.
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